Life

Well as you may be able to derive from the fact that this is now my second post of the day, I have done very little.
I am in the office on my own, except from an LSE intern who has an infallible inability to speak, despite her instructions to seek guidance from me. This has amused me for the past week. You can study your arse off, gain entry into LSE yet you lack basic human functions, such as interaction. What good is four billion 'As' at A level and a first class honours degree from a top 5 university going to do you if you can't even say hello to your colleague every morning? This is the life we live in.

Since my last post and its title "motivation" I began staring at my computer screen and thinking "motivation for what?" Purpose is a man made concept. I remember reading a book once, the author of which escapes me now, but within it was a line that will stay with me till my deathbed; "if you wrote a book on your life, would anybody read it?". Granted, I turn 20 in a few days so moments for philosophical thought in which I search for the meaning of life are probably somewhat premature. However, I, perhaps wrongly, think I have had to endure a period of sustained mental maturity over the last year due to the fiasco with university etc (obviously my own doing but I like to divert responsibility). Over this time period I think my outlook on life has changed a bit and its interesting to see where I go from here.

This "phase", today, has stemmed from me attempting to engage with this LSE intern. We are the only two in the office and for anybody that has experienced it, you will know that the office is about as welcoming as seeing a coffin with your name on it. Humour, social interaction, these things are essential to getting through the working day. These things are missing within my esteemed colleague. Why? She, like many including myself, have been pre-programmed to have a purpose in life, to filter through the academic system, to embark on academic challenges in order to "better" yourself and "better" your life. Purpose is a man-made concept.

Should one not be able to find his own feet, whether it be through mistakes or success? This stat, which is what she is, will get a pat on the back from our boss, go back to university, tell her tutor what a wonderful person she is and how she had engaged upon a life-changing summer working for Verdantix, update her CV accordingly and then plod along to the next string-puller. As Michael Connelly said "Everybody lies....the law is a contest of lies".

In two years from now, theoretically, I will have graduated. 22 years of my life will be lost, gone, never returned. I have been engulfed by an education system yet I have few life experiences to draw upon. At which point many would shout "you are only 22 though". Granted. Yet due to my surpression by "the system", I then have to filter through the next stage of that "system"...a career. It costs astronomical amounts of money to survive in London, to obtain this degree and pass through the "system", it then costs me time, effort and more money to pass this off to continue onto the next stage of the "system". When will it end? It doesn't. I'm bordering 20 years of age and I am sitting in an office during my only free time before university starts again. Why? To "better" my statistics within this "system". Foolishly, I always thought I was the clever one in the system, I'd do things differently. Unbeknown to the intern behind me, I get paid. She doesn't. Yet we are in the same position but I pitched myself differently, I went in arrogantly and thats what I got. The difference? Not a lot. The money still goes to someone else, the money still ultimately pays for me to be in London and work the "system", which has now extended to surpressing me even through the summer.

Is your past a foundation or an anchor? Well it doesn't take a genius to establish what is meant be this statement, yet, it does take a genius to put the future in the same context. What will I make of my 70 years on this planet? 1/4 of which has been spent enduring the lies. Everybody lies. I wonder how many lawyers, when on their death beds, genuinely believe that they had a happy life and were 100% self-fulfiled? I would be willing to bet its less than half. Money really doesn't buy you happiness. If last summer someone told me I could earn £1000+ per month and work in a commercial environment, I'd snap their hand off. I have never cared less about money. My boss could walk in now and fire me for writing this, I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Its intriguing how times change. My past is a foundation, whats my future?